letter to amma

Amma I love you,

I know you are watching me and protecting me every minute . while I miss your touch everyday but I know I am surrounded by your blessings .

I know it was difficult for you to leave us mid way but I am glad you made the right choice because we could not  see you suffering .

To be honest amma , it does not feel as if you are not here with us physically , we feel your presence every time we are home, we feel you are coming home back from work and will check on us as soon as you enter, I can feel your magic in every corner of the home.

I am part of you even before I knew my identity , so I know our bond is eternal. I know how you will react watching me from there doing all the things I do .

Watching us at this very moment , I can imagine how much you are missing Raaga and me.

I still don’t know if I have completely accepted your departure , or if I actually just did not digest the fact that you chose a new world too early .

Amma , I miss irritating you as soon as I come home , I miss you feeding me when I ignore to eat , I miss you sorting fights between me & Raaga , and I miss our family karaoke sessions because we don’t have a purpose and audience any more.

But ma I don’t want to miss you being here for me , because I know you are still there for me and that you will be there , right there when I need you  and I promise ma I will do you proud.

Amma , I’m sorry ma , even though I expressed my love for  you through tiny acts ,I  told you I love you very  occasionally, but you always knew I loved you , I still do and I will continue to .I know that you love us forever amma , but I just wish I had said it when you could reply .

I love you Amma

Amma , you are the most wonderful person I ever witnessed  , You understood me so well ; fighting cancer is not easy and I still wonder how you managed the pain so well without telling me a word about it . You’ve taught me how to be as confident as I am , you’ve taught me how to keep myself together , you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be messy and confused as long as I know I am myself , you taught me how to create my own  principles , you taught me how to be independent , but I thought independence was just standing up on my own feet , I didn’t know it would come with so many responsibilities .

More than anything ma , you are the sculptor of this statue and I promise it will make you proud .

SRILAKSHMI KANAKALA (1975-2020) You are Beautiful, Strong and the absolute BEST MA.

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